basically
Pretty much in the worst mood of my life
ramdom people making me cry at the mall..you know the usual… :/
Breakfast With A Monster
Sorry for the lenghty-ness of this rant guys.
Today was horrible, however it didn’t start off that way at all. My mom and I decided to go for a walk around the block in order to get in shape. We both agreed that we should making a permeant morning ritual. We’ve decided to exercise and eat more healthy (I’m doing it because I’m ugly and fat). Anyways after our really refreshing walk my mom was nice enough to prepare us breakfast. Breakfast for two….the only problem is that there is three people living in this house. Me, my mom….and my dad. I don’t like him very much. He scares me. One thing you have to know about my dad is that he is very abusive (even though he never admits to it), and not towards me…towards my mom. After he figured out that my mom didn’t make anything for him, he hit her and proceeded to rant on and on about how horrible she was. My mom just sat there. I could see she was about ready to cry. Then my dad took her half eaten food and said
“Go eat upstairs I don’t want you to eat here.”
And without a word my mom obeyed, most likely out of fear of being hit again. I was just watching this all unfold. I mean what could I do? Whenever I stick up for my mom he always says awful things to me that make me want to cut. I can’t afford to have anymore scars on me, not now. He then took some of the leftover corn beef hash and sat down at the table. He then started a normal conversation with me as if NOTHING HAPPENED. I was really frightened…
The same thing happened tonight with dinner. My mom had just made me some soup and a sandwich before she left to go out to dinner with some of her friends. Now she just left and I’m stuck here alone with him. I tend to stay upstairs whenever my mom is out of the house, and I hardly ever go into the living room because that’s where my dad is. I really dislike he feeling of being trapped. I’m afraid to stick up for my mom and I, or telling my dad what I really think about him (I’m assuming that’s one of the reasons why he’s so nice to me). I mean he’s my dad and I’d feel guilty for abandoning him, but I really can’t stay here with him. He frightens me so much and every time I have to talk to him my stomach get in nots and I panic. I’m the worst excuse for a daughter. I feel like being afraid of him makes me selfish. I mean some kids don’t even have dads. But what can I do? He makes me feel so nervous and depressed, and I can’t do anything about that. He just a monster.
This is absolutely terrifying. Just look at it, it is so real and astonishing. You need to reblog this. I don’t care if you’re used to reblogging orange, teenage girls with vans on. I don’t care if you’re used to reblogging vintage or photography. This is real. You can even see the fury in his eyes. The tense muscles in between his fingers. The heavy breathing.
some people will never realize how much certain words can hurt others. STOP CYBER BULLYING
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
random song time! Totally irrelevant to like everything, but it makes me happy
Im such a mess…
I had a mental breakdown about 30 minutes ago. I haven’t stopped crying since. I cut so bad this time…I really fucked up. I’m such a waste of time. I’m so fucking worthless, and this world would be so much better off without me. I’m not talented, I’m not smart, I’m not pretty, I’m just a fat, ugly piece of shit that deserves to be buried six feet under so no one has to deal with me ever again. I would do the world such a huge fucking favor if I just died and get it over with already. I mean I’m going to die anyways right? Why not just get the fucking job done? I’m such a fuck up. my arm is all read and puffy…the swelling should got down my tomorrow…if I calm down enough to grant myself that much time. I just an’t right now. Everything is such a mess….I need to think
(and the worst part is I’m all alone in this empty fucking house again.)
